don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
