he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize