I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
