I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
