She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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