someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
