He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am naked and annoyed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
