I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize