Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize