She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
