I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
