Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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