when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
