How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize