I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm always down for nudity.
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