Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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