4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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