so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
