Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
