Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
