I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
