White coat. Heels.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
