i need an iv and a liver transplant
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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