just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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