you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
