we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
