My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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