Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
