I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
