Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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