I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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