I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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