the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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