I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
