....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
