Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
