So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
