i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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