Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
