why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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