brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
