My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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