Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
