i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
