Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
