Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
