so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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