he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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