What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
honey bunches of taint.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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