Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
