turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
