He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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