The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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