Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize