Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
