He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
