Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
