At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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