I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
