Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
