The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
