the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
