I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
