Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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